We all face moments when we know what we should do—exercise, eat better, complete a task—but find ourselves struggling to follow through. It’s easy to tell ourselves, “I should do this,” but the motivation to take action often feels fleeting. Why is it so much harder to act on what we should do compared to what we want to do?

The key lies in understanding the difference between obligation and desire. Actions driven by “should” are usually rooted in external pressures, like societal expectations or recommendations from others. In contrast, actions driven by “want” come from an internal place—our own desires, passions, and interests. The emotional pull of wanting something is much stronger and more sustainable than the mental weight of feeling like we should do something.

Let’s explore why focusing on what you want to do, rather than what you feel you should do, is the key to making lasting changes and staying motivated.

The Struggle with “Should Do”

The phrase “should do” carries a sense of duty or obligation. It comes from external sources—whether that’s societal norms, professional expectations, or even advice from friends and family. For example, you might think, “I should go for a run because it’s good for my health,” or “I should start that project because it’s due soon.” While these thoughts are perfectly rational, they often feel like a burden.

When you operate from a mindset of “should do,” the task often feels like something you have to do, not something you want to do. This creates an internal resistance—an emotional pushback—that can make it much harder to get started. The weight of external expectations can sap the joy and personal connection from the task, making it feel like a chore rather than an opportunity.

The challenge is that relying on “should do” as the primary motivator for action is exhausting. Over time, you may find yourself drained by the constant sense of obligation, which can lead to burnout or procrastination.

The Power of “Want To”

In contrast, the phrase “want to” is driven by internal desire. It’s when you take action because you genuinely want the outcome, not because you feel you should. This kind of motivation is far more powerful because it’s tied to emotional rewards—pleasure, satisfaction, or fulfillment. When you want to do something, the action itself becomes more enjoyable, and you’re more likely to persist.

For example, imagine someone who wants to quit smoking because they genuinely desire to be healthier and feel better versus someone who thinks they should quit because their doctor said so. The person who wants to quit is motivated by a positive, internal connection to the outcome—they can visualize the benefits, like better breathing and more energy. The person who feels they should quit, on the other hand, may feel pressured but lacks the same emotional attachment to the outcome.

This difference is why people who are truly passionate about their work excel—they aren’t simply doing what they think they should do, they’re doing what they want to do. Their internal drive carries them through challenges, making them more resilient and persistent. The same is true for personal goals: when you want to exercise, eat better, or take on a new challenge, the energy to follow through comes naturally.

Why “Should Do” Fails and “Want To” Succeeds

The biggest reason “should do” often fails to motivate us is that it feels disconnected from our personal values and desires. If you’re only taking action because you feel you should, there’s often no deeper emotional investment in the outcome. This makes the task feel less meaningful and easier to avoid.

In contrast, when you do something because you want to, it aligns with your internal values. There’s an emotional connection to the outcome, which creates a sense of anticipation and excitement. This connection fuels intrinsic motivation, making the task not only easier to start but also more enjoyable to complete.

Additionally, “should do” tasks are often framed as sacrifices. You think of them in terms of what you have to give up or endure—whether it’s time, effort, or comfort. This makes them feel even heavier. On the other hand, “want to” tasks are framed in terms of gain: you’re focused on what you’ll achieve or enjoy by taking action, which makes the effort feel worthwhile.

How to Turn “Should Do” Into “Want To”

The good news is that you can shift your mindset from “should do” to “want to.” By reframing how you view tasks and goals, you can create an internal connection to the outcome, making it easier to stay motivated. Here’s how:

1. Identify the Emotional Reward

When faced with something you feel you should do, take a moment to focus on the emotional benefits of completing it. Instead of thinking, “I should exercise,” try reframing it as, “I want to exercise because I’ll feel more energized and accomplished afterward.” By focusing on how you’ll feel, you shift the task from a duty to a desire.

2. Visualize Success

Visualization is a powerful tool for turning “should do” into “want to.” Imagine yourself successfully completing the task and enjoying the outcome. Whether it’s finishing a big project or getting in shape, seeing yourself succeed in your mind’s eye can make the task more appealing and create a sense of excitement.

3. Align With Your Values

Ask yourself how the task aligns with your deeper values. If health is important to you, exercising isn’t just something you should do, it’s something that supports who you are and want to become. When you connect tasks to your identity and values, they become more meaningful.

4. Create Small Wins

Break the task into smaller, manageable steps to create quick wins. Every time you achieve a small part of the task, you reinforce the sense of accomplishment, which turns the process into something you want to continue. Success breeds more success, and soon you’ll find yourself wanting to tackle even bigger challenges.

5. Reward Yourself

Add a reward system to tasks you struggle with. If you complete a task you feel you should do, give yourself something to look forward to—a small treat, a break, or a fun activity. By pairing the task with a reward, you create positive associations and begin to look forward to the process.

Harnessing the Power of “Want To”

Motivation doesn’t have to be a constant struggle between what you should do and what you want to do. By shifting your mindset and connecting tasks to your internal desires and values, you can make the things you feel you should do more aligned with what you actually want to do.

The key to lasting change is to stop framing your actions as obligations and start seeing them as opportunities for growth, joy, and fulfillment. When you focus on what you truly want, you’ll find the motivation to take action flows much more naturally, and you’re more likely to stick with it over time.

So next time you catch yourself saying, “I should do this,” ask yourself: “How can I turn this into something I want to do?” That simple shift can unlock a powerful source of motivation, one that will carry you further than any sense of duty ever could.